little pea

Dear our little pea,

how are you sweetheart? are you comfortable in your tiny pod?

having you inside of me is the most overwhelming and nerve-wracking experience I've ever had.  I intuited long before testing with pregnancy tests that i have you. once we got back home from Thailand, I tested with a home pregnancy test kit. the line turned out to be very faint, but it didn't discourage me.  i waited a few days and tried again. this time it was so loud and clear that there is a little stranger hiding somewhere inside my tummy.  we went to see a doctor to confirm it.  the trips to the doctor were rather distressing.  the first time the doctor said i wasn't pregnant.  i didn't believe him though. i suspected that my hcg hormone might not be high enough to be detected.  a week later we went back to hear an equally depressing news when the doctor told us that '"i was weakly positive".  what was it supposed to mean?  weakly positive?  i became panic and started reading books and browsing pregnancy-related websites, diagnosing my own symptoms.  i got so scared of all the possibilities like chemical pregnancy and ectopic pregnancy.  your dad tried to soothe me and tell me not to worry.  i knew that and i wanted to take it easy, but it was easier said than done.  i couldn't help being so paranoid.  i couldn't afford to have false hope and lose you, sweetie.

September 12, we went to the doctor again.  despite being moody for having to wait for a long time, it turned out to be one of the best days when he told us that it was positive.  i am officially pregnant, confirmed by the doctor.  we were absolutely over the moon.  we started sharing good news with your grandparents and closed friends. everyone, especially your grandparents, was so delighted. you'll be their first grandchild.  you'll be spoiled rotten, darling.

September 17, we had the first ultrasound.  it might sound very cliche, but we know now what love at first sight was.  it was such an amazing feeling to see you for the first time.  you are so tiny, only 7 mm long.  but your heartbeat is incredibly strong.  we were so happy and relieved that you seem healthy. 

it's been only 7 weeks, but we felt in love with you completely. stay with us sweetheart.  we promise to be your coolest parents.  your dad is already planning what sort of bike to get you.

love,

mom and dad